Life Lessons from Ganondorf

There is no practical reason anyone should ever be able to win a one-on-one fight playing as Ganondorf in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. He is a disastrously slow character in a game centered around mobility, he has no defense against ranged attacks except to pray that his basic block will hold out against them, and his jump arc — his one viable option for getting back on the stage if he gets knocked off — resembles nothing if not a wet paper…